So my stubborn self finally figured out that majoring solely in art at college is a lose/lose situation unless by some god-given miracle, I get an opportunity in a big company of sorts.
Being me, I have no experience with traditional mediums other than a regular pencil/mech. pencil, colored pencil, marker, and watercolors that I can't even use properly. Digitally, I can't handle even drawing in Photoshop because everything comes out disgusting and I don't even know how to COLOR in Photoshop.
I'm stuck between applying for an art-specific school or a university that I really like OR getting my associates at a community college so I can calm my non-existent titties and work on a "portfolio". Yea. I don't even know how to make a portfolio. None of my art has backgrounds and if it does, we all know it sucks ass.
Wtf am I supposed to do now? I'm not supported for animal-related jobs like zoology because my parents, especially my dad is stuck on thinking I'm the same 7 year old kid that ran on all fours and barked at people.
I can't even anymore. No joke, I can't even or odd or prime or composite. Fuck.
I knew how reality was but now that it's right in front of my face and I need all these things that I DON'T HAVE and I need them now or I'll lose my spot.
I have work but I don't have a bank account or a permit or anything. The colleges I'd like to apply to have rolling deadlines, meaning they don't have a specific date for when they stop taking applications, but that doesn't mean I'll be assured a spot to get in for the Fall or whenever I'm going.
I need to go to the doctor, I'm so serious, I haven't gone since like 6th grade. I'm dizzy, my stomach hurts a lot, I feel like throwing up, I don't want to move around anymore, I'm getting depressed, I can't really hear much even when I clean my ears, my glasses prescription is fading because I'm blind, I stand wrong so I'm probably gonna have problems when I'm old, I hold everything inside, my words are tongue-tied ever since I hit the back of my head, I fucking suck at art, I have no one, I can't feel anything, my dad would probably just give me a bandaid even if I got my legs cut off, I have no time to myself and when I do I play Mario Kart instead of doing what I need to do.
I need help.
No longer can I sit around and wait for Christmas. Now I have real shit to get done and I can't fucking do it and I want to scream and cry, but no one fucking cares.
I can't even anymore. I feel like my life is over.