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About Varied / Student Member シルバーFemale/United States Group :iconultimate-pokemon: ULTIMATE-POKEMON
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Deviant for 3 Years
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Statistics 206 Deviations 7,349 Comments 8,878 Pageviews


  • Mood: Miserable
  • Listening to: my internal screaming
  • Reading: the morbid thoughts in my mind
  • Watching: people grow up
  • Playing: mario kart sonofabiscuit 8
  • Eating: my life
  • Drinking: my tears
So my stubborn self finally figured out that majoring solely in art at college is a lose/lose situation unless by some god-given miracle, I get an opportunity in a big company of sorts.
Being me, I have no experience with traditional mediums other than a regular pencil/mech. pencil, colored pencil, marker, and watercolors that I can't even use properly. Digitally, I can't handle even drawing in Photoshop because everything comes out disgusting and I don't even know how to COLOR in Photoshop. 
I'm stuck between applying for an art-specific school or a university that I really like OR getting my associates at a community college so I can calm my non-existent titties and work on a "portfolio". Yea. I don't even know how to make a portfolio. None of my art has backgrounds and if it does, we all know it sucks ass.
Wtf am I supposed to do now? I'm not supported for animal-related jobs like zoology because my parents, especially my dad is stuck on thinking I'm the same 7 year old kid that ran on all fours and barked at people. 
I don't
I can't even anymore. No joke, I can't even or odd or prime or composite. Fuck.
I knew how reality was but now that it's right in front of my face and I need all these things that I DON'T HAVE and I need them now or I'll lose my spot. 
I have work but I don't have a bank account or a permit or anything. The colleges I'd like to apply to have rolling deadlines, meaning they don't have a specific date for when they stop taking applications, but that doesn't mean I'll be assured a spot to get in for the Fall or whenever I'm going. 

I need to go to the doctor, I'm so serious, I haven't gone since like 6th grade. I'm dizzy, my stomach hurts a lot, I feel like throwing up, I don't want to move around anymore, I'm getting depressed, I can't really hear much even when I clean my ears, my glasses prescription is fading because I'm blind, I stand wrong so I'm probably gonna have problems when I'm old, I hold everything inside, my words are tongue-tied ever since I hit the back of my head, I fucking suck at art, I have no one, I can't feel anything, my dad would probably just give me a bandaid even if I got my legs cut off, I have no time to myself and when I do I play Mario Kart instead of doing what I need to do.
I need help. 
No longer can I sit around and wait for Christmas. Now I have real shit to get done and I can't fucking do it and I want to scream and cry, but no one fucking cares. 
I can't even anymore. I feel like my life is over.

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trropical Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2014
(1 Reply)
Manders-AmP Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Woah, no one has commented on your page for a while...
Hiya Silva! :D
(1 Reply)
Innocentium Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you for the deviantwatch. :)
(1 Reply)
0VERD05E Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
ahh, what happened to the icon commission? Sorry if I sound like I'm bothering you, we have lives and all

If it is, I'll just roll away
(1 Reply)
saigonka Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2014
thank you so much for watch!! *w*
(1 Reply)
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